stuff

halloooo?

blah blah blah

posted by jax @ 8:34 AM 0 Comments  

ok, here i am.

I'm still happy, for the record.

I am, however, in not working house selling limbo. I quit my job to get the house ready to sell. That was April. This is no longer April. The house hasn't sold, and my mamma didn't raise no maid.

So basically, I am writing to bitch. What other reason?

We had a buyer lined up, and he is backing out. We had a 200+ year old house lined up. No idea now if we'll get it. Our buyer tried to breech his contract with us AND keep his earnest money.

I don't think so.

For reference, here is a handy flow chart my friend FooFoo created so that my friends could more easily understand the delimma:

posted by jax @ 6:21 PM 0 Comments  

Now I rot to death.

The house is clean. You could eat off this house, if you wanted, but you'd need a really big ladder. We are "on the market", which basically means the neighbors steal all our fliers.

I am broke & cannot go shopping.

I'm just so fucking exciting right now I can barely stand myself. Yawn.

posted by jax @ 6:43 PM 4 Comments  

And they all smiled and said, "Good Morning"

I am totally into this whole not working thing. I mean, I'm working - I'm working my ass off. Up at 6.30 am most mornings, and I spend my day getting high on paint and/or cleaning product fumes as I prepare this house to sell for the maximum amount of dollars in the minimum amount of time. That's my job now.

Other than the chemical buzz, this is so cool. In the mornings, before I tidy up for the new day (TIDY UP! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT SHIT? I AM TIDYING UP! BRING ON THE PEARLS AND THE APRON, MOFO, CAUSE MY ASS IS TIDYING UP FOR THE NEW DAY!), I take a walk.

An actual walk. A real good one, like a mile and a half, through the park down the street. Meandering paved paths through trees and buttercup fields. It's so beautiful, and I pass lots of other "home during the day folks", they with their IPods and handweights and steponometers (or whatever they are), all bright and cheerful and slap damned happy they aren't sitting behind a desk at 8.30AM on a gorgeous spring morning sucking down coffee and checking their stocks, hoping their team leader isn't sneaking up behind them...

And as I strolled through at a kick assed clip, trying to find a way to walk and still elegantly expose my sweating pits to the morning breeze, listening to the birds, they all smiled and said, "Good Morning."

I say, "Um, *gulp*, um, hi, yeah, um"...

posted by jax @ 6:22 PM 1 Comments  

A Prayer To Little Baby Jesus

Dear Litty Baby Jesus:

Oh little Baby Jesus, I love you so much. Please make all the walls in this house dissapear. Even the outer ones. Because if there are no walls, I won't have to paint them anymore.

Please oh please Baby Jesus. I do not currently own a body part that is not sore and throbbing (and not in the fun way) right now. It all hurts. I don't want to sell this house and move anymore, Baby Jesus. I'll just stay here forever if it means no more painting.

In your name I pray.

Love, jax.

p.s. could you do an extra special smiting on that Godless bastard that created vaulted ceilings? I'm only 5'3, and we all know what happens when I try to climb on ladders and chairs and stuff.

posted by jax @ 2:33 PM 0 Comments  

I Just Knocked Over An Entire Rack Of Sunglasses.

It started with a lack of sleep. My daughter decided to celebrate the day in which she was cut from my screaming, writhing body with a nice, happy little sleep over. Invited three of her best friends. I got up early yesterday, prepared the Den Of 12 Year Old Slumber, cleaned everything that stood still long enough for me to catch it, made goody bags and everything.

Pre-teens scream, like a lot. A real lot of screaming. I mean, I was worried the neighbors would call the police. To top it off, one of them was so snotty that I briefly wondered what would be more embarrassing - calling her mamma at one A.M. (that would be AM as in MORNING, a full three hours before they actually went to sleep) to announce she must come hither, one city away, to pick up the heathen issue of her bastard womb before I killed the kid, or actually killing the kid. Case in point:

(Me this morning): "Girls, it's time to get moving - moms will be here soon - two of you have softball practice in nine minutes, and two of you have a play to go to."

(Snotty kid back at me): "NO, but thanks for asking."

Which was right before she handed me her wet laundry to toss in the dryer in the complete expectation that I'd have it dry in four minutes. And do you see how nice I was? With less than five hours of sleep under my belt, I did not kill this child. My hands itched to, but I did not. She lives still, to torment other families. I will tell my daughter that her friends are the reason we are moving three states away.

So. I'm really tired. And Mike decides it's the perfect time to pack up three bedrooms worth of stuff.

Mr. Chipper.

"C'mon, honey! Chop Chop! You can't sit around all day like that; things to do!"

I didn't kill him either though he was needing it. No, I moved stuff around. Then I did enough laundry to kill a lesser woman, then I drove to drop off the bookbag we forgot with my daughter's father, then I stopped by the 7-11 for the cigarettes Mike had been whining for - I now realize that his 7 hour drive home from Philly was nothing compared to my time.

It was raining and my foot slid out from under me. Just like that. I pinwheeled back in slo-mo, sort of like Carrie Anne Fisher in "The Matrix" only not because I would never wear a black pleather suit even though it looks really cool, and knocked over an entire rack of sunglasses.

Caught my breath, looked up at everyone that thought I was a bag lady, and said, "Well, SHIT."

And I went to the fridge case and picked up a big bottle of cheap chablis and here I am.

Voila.

posted by jax @ 5:31 PM 1 Comments  

I'm so slack, I might be dead.

Today is my last real day of work - exit interview at 10.30am, and then they toss my happy ass out the door.

I have 6 years worth of crap amassed, which I have just sort of hauled around behind me whenever they moved me. An entire library of tech books, awards, misc pieces of computers I can't identify but refuse to throw away, a blow-up Sponge Bob doll, a stuffed gorilla, and my vitamins.

Slowly I've gotten most of the books & toys out, but I'm still looking around here at all that's left...

- 4 bottles of hand lotion
- lots of vitamins
- an empty box of green tea
- my awards
- OOOOO my glasses (don't forget those!)
- dammit, I just found more books
- half a Japanese NEC laptop (I can put it back together)
- a 220v power cord with plugs for Ireland
- a box of Kellog's Special K plus protein
- tool kit

Could that be all that is left? Who cares. Now I just have to get through the day without doing the Bitch Dance.

posted by jax @ 6:07 AM 1 Comments